Nizammuddin station, Its morning 6:30 , train for Agra is in platform 5 people from all over India are in this train, going to see Taj Mahal …. I get a window seat , satisfied I place my bag below my seat , ask my daughter to sit at the window seat , I look around the compartment , there are Bengalis from Asensol, Tamils from Chennai, Telegu’s from seemandhra, people going to Dwarka.... it does not take much time for train to get Jam packed …. I look out of the window, train still waiting to leave the platform …. And then I see something at the platform …. … it takes me some time to make out, and tears roll down my eyes without me realizing , I quickly wipe my tears ,,, but my daughter has seen me shedding tears …… she asks – ‘what happened mummy ?’
Not sure what to say or do , I show her what I had seen at the platform …. First look, some waste cloth, a closer look a living thing , and still closer look a human being , so week and withered probably has not eaten anything in weeks and probably wont live long and has been lying there for days … the two things which came to my mind when I saw the body was Kevin Carter’s award winning photo of Sudan famine … but here I think it was as if the person who probably could not walk or live by him/herself was left at station platform to die , someone had put 1 Rupee coin on the palm of the body , as if it will … …. And the second thought, Missionaries of charity sisters … … I some how believe had it been in Calcutta , atleast the person would get a more dignified death …. And again with tearful eyes I told my daughter, when you grow up get out of this country, there are many countries where you wont get to see this, where human life is valued more … ….. after few minutes train left the station ...
No wonder even Mother Teresa had times when she doubted her god ….. ‘I call, I cling, I want ... and there is no One to answer ... no One on Whom I can cling ... no, No One. Alone ... Where is my Faith ... even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness ... My God ... how painful is this unknown pain ... I have no Faith ... I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart ... & make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them ... because of the blasphemy ... If there be God ... please forgive me ... When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. I am told God loves me ... and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.’
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