Beyond pain..

Saturday morning around 7:45 am heard someone calling out on our gate ‘Uncle, Uncle!’. Still, in my sleep I pushed my husband -can you check out who is calling you ?’ He too in his sleep went and opened the door asking who was it. A boy in his teens spoke ‘Ammuma won't come today. Velia Achan expired yday’ saying this the boy left. Anil did not know the boy, he heard and told me that Ammuma (who comes to help me at home) won't come as someone has expired, still in my sleep I said ok.

After some time while having tea we saw our neighbour going out and some people talking about the death, all the while we were thinking about an elderly person who has been taking treatment for cancer for quite some time , probably he had died, but then we realised it was not him … “Velia Achan’ term used for Father’s elder brother …. And then both of us looked at each other and asked ourselves - is it Ammuma’s Eldest Son !?

Ammuma’s eldest (Of the 3 sons) son let me call him Mathew - in his late 40’s Mathew had quite a few issues in his life, he had drinking issues, because of this his wife and 2 daughters detested him, by profession he was an Auto rickshaw driver, but because of his drinking issues he hardly made or saved money, most of the time one could see him at the main junction smoking and wasting time. He was diabetic and had no control, just 6 months back his leg was amputated, I had a feeling that after this he might get into depression and won't be seen much, but to my surprise, within 1 month of the surgery he was back again with crutches and riding Auto. But he still could not stop drinking. Though he had the drinking problem but he did not physically or verbally abuse his wife, but then they also had limits wen it came to patience, and since he could not stop drinking he started sleeping at his cousin’s place nearby. His mother that is Ammuma washed his clothes twice a week, checked if he was ok and eating well.

Just early this week when I had gone for the morning walk I had seen Mathew in his auto and some policemen was asking for direction, Mathew was looking good with fresh shave and haircut and I felt happy for him. When Ammuma came that day I told her that I saw Mathew – and then she updated that his second leg is also getting infected and the doctor has asked him to go to the hospital but he refuses to go ..

I could see her concern and sadness, but then she added – but if he does not want to change who can help him … When we realised that probably it's Mathew we took out our scooter, I knew where Ammuma lives as I have been to her house, but was not sure about Mathew’s house, but many people knew and told us the way, which was very close by.

I saw Ammuma, sitting next to Mathew’s body, there were many people. I saw his wife too, but did not see his daughters … Ammuma was crying silently …. I was shocked to see Mathew lying there, just 2 days back I had seen him riding his auto, Ammuma told he had a Heart attack the previous evening while chatting with his friends at the main junction, some youngsters took him to the hospital where he was declared brought dead . Holding her hand now, I was not sure how exactly she felt at that moment –She was concerned about her son’s health, doctors were not telling her the actual condition of Mathew, every time she was worried that he would become handicapped and won't have anyone to look after him … probably death was a better solution, something she always wanted for herself, so that she wont have to see her sons pain , but now her son had moved beyond pain ….. Her first born is no more ...