Sibling Bonding -

I had just entered my teens when my brother left home for college in Punjab in 1991. And since then, we have hardly spent time together. The first 13 formative years were much like any middle-class family, under parental guidance and protection. Once he was out of the home, some of our good interactions were through letters, though not very frequent, but they were timely ones. I was still in secondary school when he left for college. It was only during his semester break that he would come home for 2-3 weeks in a year. I left home after completing my college graduation, and by that time, he was working. So, as a teenager or grown-up, we didn't have much interaction or bonding, and I used to think that's very normal in every family. Once you are grown up and have your own social circle and family, it can build up distance with your siblings, unless you make a real effort to be there for each other.

Between my children, the age gap is 7 years, and we knew that our son would be too young by the time our daughter moves out for college. He was not even in his teens when our daughter left home for studies. For the next three years, she came home for a maximum of one month during her semester break, and we would visit her place for 2-3 days. There was not much in common between them, and she would joke, saying that he was from a different generation. And that always made me think, how can they bridge this gap?

 Unexpectedly, last year, things didn't work out for her and she ended up taking a year break and spending time with us at home. Interactions between 2 of them improved. They started doing things together. When she started learning a new instrument (not Guitar), he (who has been playing the Guitar for 3 years now) helped her with reading basic musical notes and rhythms. In doubt, she would ask him how he would play the note and small, small things like that. Then we (my husband and I ) decided to go for a 4-day trip and told them to manage things at home and outside on their own. This included going out for dinner to a place of their choice (Dominos) and coming back on their own. 

And then a few months back, we (again, my husband and I) had to rush to attend an emergency situation, and we had to leave our children at home for almost a week. This time, we did not have time to plan anything or prepare our children. 6 nights and 5 days, they were on their own, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, booking Uber Auto, tracking, paying, going to school, and music classes. In the evenings, we would get updates on what happened and what was planned for the next day, especially the food part. Both of them were very understanding and supportive of our situation.

Some other things they did together were meeting up with school friends at a common place. So she has a school friend from Class 1, and her brother, who is a year older than my son, is a good friend, and his cousin was my son's classmate for a year, making it easy to have a common outing during Christmas time. The so-called "generational gap" between the siblings is still there, but now, there seems to be some common ground for both of them. Other things which I ask them to do - plan a 1-2 day trip (e.g., to their grandparents' place) spend a day checking out the place and food there. Go for a movie which both of them are interested in watching, going swimming or playing any other sport together (both of them play the same sports). Just like in the office, you need to have some team-building activities outside the working environment; in the same way, you need to do things together beyond your home premises to build up strong family bonds. to understand each other better, to learn how to behave and respect each other's choices and preferences, to be less judgmental about each other's way of doing things and accept each other's differences, trusting and ensuring you have each other's back.

Sibling bonds are among the longest-lasting relationships in life, characterized by emotional intensity, shared experiences, and the potential for lifelong support.