Purpose of Life

Have this strange feeling --just 2 days back i was talking to my friend -- why do we decide to do something "wrong" ( wrong by the general/standard rules) ? I am not perfect, I have lot of short comings , and i dont want ot be saint and i cant be sinless for I am just another common "Aam" aadmi/aurat - who has everyday struggle of choosing between what is "right" and what is "convinient" and what i "actually want" -- for me its usually struggle between "Right" and "what I want" i usually dont go for convinince ... and sometime i do go for what i want - woh karti hoon jo mera dil chahata hai .. in the process unknowinigly hurt people close to me ... and sometimes feeling guilty about it ... but then when think about it ... and ask if there is something called Destiny, then everything is part of the destiny , isn't it ... otherwise if we were always have to do only "Right" then world would have been so much peaceful and "Perfect" place ... Its not ... and neither am I --

I do go through the guilt cycle when i do what i want -- let it be my decision to get married to my choice - broke my parrents heart .. .. or buying things without telling anil ... or do somethings which anil does not like much -- like me working late at home or office and not taking care of kids, or me trying to be friendly with people who have hurt me before and dumped me professionaly or personally -- and i realize its out of concern that either anil or my parents they try to correct me -- but then I am what I am :)

At my work it has been more to do with doing right - and being too straight forward with no nonsense kind of attitude and (bit of short temperament too) i guess lot of peole get hurt and intimidated -- though i try to keep my feeling confined to work limits only, most of the time others take it too personally - - even though start of any discussion i make it clear that i have got nothing personal ... but end of it everything becomes personal .. there have been quite a few times when after loosing my cool and after cooling down i had gone to the person and asked apology publicly ,, only to relase that my asking sorry/forgiveness is taken as my weakness or my accepting that i am wrong ,,, which is not always true ... my asking sorry is my accepting that I am emotionally weak or i become emotional during discussions which i am trying to work on ... as one of my friend and in some ways mentor asks me "why are you like this?" and tooking into his eyes i say " I am like this and I am not going to change " -- but the fact is I am changing (very slow) its just that i am not ready to accept ... mera bachpana :)

Sometimes i wonder if this is all that I am suppose to do ... work and take care of family, is there not more to do in life .. we all do work and take care of family -- its only few who do more than that they live for bigger purpose --do feel there is much more to do in life ... life has to be more meaningful ... i do wish i would know the bigger purpose ... i wish i could contribute more , i wish i could know "why I am here" ... i am sure with every passing year and every new person i get to know better , i am getting matured and am changing for better ... maybe i am getting ready for the hidden purpose in life ...