Jo tera hai

Dosth ya Dev ?

Sometime back heard this discussion – Can/Should good friends become spouse or Can Spouse ever be good friends? Was reminded of a meeting …. around 5 years back when we had moved to Trivandrum from Bangalore and were still settling down . Surprisingly one of Anil’s friend from Bhilai happened to get in touch with Anil after almost 20 yrs saying he will be in Trivandrum for 1-2 days for some official work and if possible would like to meet . Let me call him Chintu , I had seen his school snaps that’s it . The day when he was in Trivandrum, he called up Anil at night from his hotel , I just told Anil that he should meet Chintu and since I had come late from office I won’t join . Anil went to meet him . After 45 mins or so Anil called me from the hotel telling me that he had left the car key inside the car and the door got locked , and if I can come with the duplicate key .. .. it was around 8 pm and I said ok, I will catch bus and come … Took a bus, 3rd stop and could locate where the car was parked I took the key and then went to the hotel - saw both of them talking at the dining area .. 

I joined them … they were talking about their work .. I made out that Chintu was working for a company , which was my client in 1999 -- so there were some common names … And then Anil and Chintu started talking about Bhilai , their school , friends … and I was also talking about his friends and uncle and aunties in Bhilai .. after sometime Chintu commented -- “You both still look and behave like friends and not spouse!” though little surprised to hear that I smiled and felt good that Chintu felt this way .. He then asked me if I was from Bhilai – I said “No” but I have heard so much about Bhilai and people in Bhilai that I kind of connect fast when Anil takes some names .. Then he asked me how come you connect so well , even I talk to my wife about friends but the connect is different … … I then said , both, me and Anil help each other a lot (at home or professionally) and during the process I get to know about his life better and guess that’s the reason I connect with his friends and people around him better .. .. … I have not seen many of his friends but I know some of their stories , for some their nick names, and thanks to Anils Photo collection have seen some faces too .. It’s just matter of linking things I have heard when I hear some of his friends name :) But that was the best compliment I ever got for being Anil’s wife. 

The fact is ; we talk a lot at home – general things – ye toh hona he hai – Pati Dev Journalist jo hai :) – but my GK is very poor and many a times I do think of reading newspaper and watching news to be able to catch up with what Anil talks about; but I being me – news and me don’t go together :) - but yes, in general we talk , its only when I try to be Wife (who demands respect ,authority, power ) we don’t have much to talk :D …

I always feel ; take any relationship, it becomes stronger when you have the friendship element in it – Parents Children, Brother Sister , Husband wife any relationship – it grows when at some point of your relationship you accept the other person as your friend – friend with whom you can share your fear ,love, like, dislike, opinion , view, without worrying about straining the relationship .. ,, After certain age children share more with parents when they feel their mom dad are approachable and friendly – same is true among siblings , and I guess friendship is the most important link between spouses – its a relationship where in 2 people from different family / background /situation come together -- not sure of partners likes, interests – yes you get to know each other well with time , but imagine someone trying just to be husband or wife , just doing things/duties of a husband/wife I,e doing just what is expected . Though I agree that spouse cannot become Friends as “Friends “ but I guess the reason behind that can be insecure feeling of not taking the “Relationship” seriously rather taking it casually as friendship – where you almost take other person for granted :D .. the point is to maintain the seriousness of each relationship and still share friendship So my take on “Can spouse be friends?” Yes it should be possible :)

Jo Mera Hai woh Tera Hai 

I, me, myself… boring hai

'us' and 'we' interesting hai

Relationship hai toh friendship hai

Friendship hai toh sharing hai

Jo mera hai woh tera hai

Jo tera hai woh mera

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Jo mera hai woh tera hai

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