'I don't remember when was the last time I saw a grown up elderly or even young gentleman crying' , my voice cracked and tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably , when i said this sitting in car with Anil and my kids while going back after visiting a family , where the mother of the family 71 yr old had expired ..... and the 'Appachan' - her husband, cried out loud 'Mother of this home is gone' when I held his hand not knowing what to say .. and I just could not stop myself crying silently with him ... i had to leave him crying and to be consoled by his daughter, realizing i was crying in front of too many people, and did not want to get too much of attention on myself ...
Varghese Appachan I call him , is my nobody, Mariama Amachi who expired, i have never seen her before. The common connect between me and Varghese Appachan is that we are members of the same church , and whenever we see each other at church we talk, he talks about his family, his health and inquires about mine. When ever i talk about Varghese Appachan to Anil i always say 'Sensible Appachan' or 'Appachan who sings out loud and knows the whole Qurbana Kramam (Holy Mass) by heart' ....
We have been going to St. George Orthodox Church in Trivandrum for last 8 yrs , and Appachan would have been member of the same church for more than 50-60 yrs . I dont remember how we started talking, it is not very common in our church where people especially old people come and talk to younger folks, but he was different, i had been observing him for quite some time (probably couple of years before we started talking and use to just smile at each other) he would always stand inside the church, say all the prayers and sing all the songs very loudly in his very distinct voice without referring any book. And when it would be time to sit for the 'Litany' he would go out and stand and wait and would come back inside the church when everyone stood up after litany....
It was after Ezekiel started crawling around, that Appachan started talking to me, I would take Ezekiel out of the church tied on my baby sling when we would start showing signs of being uncomfortable, and Varghese Appachan would start playing with Eze ... Guess thats how we started talking, Gradually when Ezekiel started walking, Appachan would keep an eye on him , and then he started telling me about his family .. that he has a daughter who has 2 children but they are abroad, his son is also abroad. Then later sometime he told me that his daughter-in-law was expecting baby which got aborted and that its been 5-6 yrs and now they are hoping and praying that things will work out for his son and daughter-in-law .... ... I myself having the experience of going through the pain of loosing a child, told him so, and asked him not to loose hope, and to keep praying , things will work out ... .. every week we updated each other of the things happening in our lives ...
Then early 2014, I did not see him for quite a long time, I was wondering about it and told Anil hoping everything was Ok with Appachan not knowing whom to ask about him ,,,, it was almost after 3 months i met him again and he updated that he met with an accident and had major leg fracture, and was on bed rest almost for 2-3 months... He was recovering slowly but could not take his scooter again hence could not come to church very often ..... Same year in the month of July, with all smiles and happiness he told me that his daughter-in-law was expecting , and the baby is expected Christmas time ! If somebody had asked me then how happy man looks like , I would have asked them to go and see Varghese Appachan .. that was the glow and satisfied look he had ....
He invited all of us for the child's Baptism early this year, but being on a working day we could not attend , and he was understanding , did not complain about our not able to attend it .. in between he mentioned about his wife, who was diabetic and had quite a few health issues related with high sugar, and that she rarely came to church ... I wished her good health and rest ... and then did not meet varghese appachan for almost 3-4 months till last sunday ... When we heard the announcement of his wife's death .... Last 8 years I have not gone to any of the funerals or visited any of the family of the deceased since we did not know most of the people ... but Varghese Appachan's personal loss, was something we could not ignore ... and that's how we all went .... I never imagined I would see Appachan crying, and I never ever imagined that I will cry for Him .... I cried for him, and thats when I realize, Crying for the one who is gone is one thing, and crying for those who are left behind is .......
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